Walking

The following is an account of the last month or so of my life. I hesitate to write it all down because I am still in the process of learning what it all means. Feel free to ask questions, point out places that I may not see truth (and just making up my own), or just comment in general if this reminds you of any of your own encounters with the LORD.

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For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. Romans 8:13

This verse has continued to creep up on me over the past year. The most recent was during a staff meeting. Josh began by reminding us...

...Genesis 1:26-27
Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth." God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them.

- I am an image bearer
- I have inherent dignity and worth
- There is a distinction between male and female
- Man was created to rule

Genesis 2:7
Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.

-Life originates with God

What do we do with this life? Do I spend my days grumbling, complaining, and positioning myself to change life?

We were given some passages to read over in groups:
1 Corinthians 6, Galatians 5, & Romans 8

These are the words that captured my heart that morning.

1Corinthians 6:9-11
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you, but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

Those are big "sins". I wouldn't really do those... HELLO! WAKE UP!
Remember James 4 "You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel... You adulteress, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?"

My pride began to surface. I began to see what others may have already.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, who you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Sadly, not my first thought. My flesh finds the fight for my glory more often than not. Others in my group could talk about their obsession with their physical bodies and the pride and jealously that may arrest their minds. This has never been my struggle.

I had to ask myself, what is it that keeps my love and affection from the Lord? What is it that makes me continue to go back to the place where I forget that I am not my own.

I know I don't glorify God in my body. I don't walk in such a way that glorifies God. If walking with the Spirit really means I'm walking with God, then I had to admit I was not doing it.

Galatians 5:25
If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.

Do I "live by the Spirit"?
I do live by the Spirit. The Spirit dwells in me.

How do I "walk by the Spirit"?
I don’t.
I’m not even sure I know what this means.

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God teach me what it means to walk by the Spirit.
I want to walk by the Spirit. I want to live.
Remove whatever it is that keeps me from walking by the Spirit.
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Kent asked us in HomeGroup to write the story of our lives. An outline, timeline, dramatic, whatever. Many of the stories- you could hear the music swelling in the background.

imagine a girl on an empty stage.

The soul, identity, fulfilled by applause from a small audience.
empties so quickly.
the fickle audience turns to be entertained by another.

The soul is left to find another talent.

The soul is an entertainer. one to put on a pretty face, but can also manipulate the pity from the lost audience and win monetary affections.
The story of the soul continues in this manner. The audience comes and goes, and the soul continues to pull talents from her chest in hopes that audience would return.

Truth and light awaits the soul just around the corner. Truth waits patiently.
even touching some of the audience.
The soul gets glimpses of truth in the faces of the audience. The soul wonders what calms them? and satisfies them? and begins to want that kind of peace that allows them to come and go with such ease and confidence.

Ironically, the tricks and acts that the soul performs, all the while-not wanting to be the center of attention, seem to be more ridiculous and even violent.
if only it had not gone this far. the first step around the corner would have been less of a struggle.

How would the soul finally live if truth was able to actually touch the soul?

Will the soul give up the silly costumes that only cover and mask true beauty-walk off the stage that will always leave her empty and run to truth and live?
not just put on another show.

Truly live?

It is pride. My desire to make myself more important than God, more important than others. That is me living according to the flesh, walking out in the deeds of the body. It has many faces: anger, jealously, lust, greed, slander, idolatry. Who wants to own up to these things?

After I read the story to Philip- his reaction “that is really sad”

I agree.

It is not a sadness that shows compassion- but the kind of sadness that makes me whence in disgust.

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For three weeks God allowed me to really see my sin and how pride divided my affections for Him. I saw every way that my identity was wrapped up in myself, my status, my attention.

me.

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For three weeks I did not know where to look for truth.
God surrounded me with truth, delivered by my husband.

Psalm 42:5
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of His presence.

1 Kings 19:7
The angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you.”

Romans 8:26
In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.

1 Peter 1:3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead

And prayers lifted up and agreed together by my homegroup that I can claim as a child of God that I can walk in freedom from sin and from bondage to walking in the flesh. And that I would gain rest from a exhausting season of seeing my own sin so that I could finally see that this was not my fight to fight, but only through the power and the strength from our God and the power of Christ, the only claim in this fight to overcome sin.

In that moment, my mind stopped spinning.
God removed the dark cloud and depression that sat over me for over three weeks.

I was finally able to confess pride and the idolatry of myself, to ask for forgiveness and to accept forgiveness.

What can I claim now?

Christ.

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Lauren W shared 2 Chronicles 20 with us a couple of weeks later. This is a story you have to read.

Jehoshaphat (son of Asa), turned to seek the LORD in his fear of enemies that surrounded Judah and Jerusalem. God reminded them …

“Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s. Go out and face them. You need not fight in this battle. Station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.”

You have to read the story to see all that God creatively does to destroy the enemy. Imagine what Jehoshaphat and Judah were able to see that day (the salvation of the LORD on your behalf).
I am not kidding… this story is good!

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There is not really a conclusion to this journey. I get the feeling that it is going to continue for a while. The journey to walk in the Spirit. The journey is “to walk in the Spirit”, putting sin to death, living, confessing, trusting, serving, glorifying.

Okay, I take back the fact that this is just a journey. I’m learning to walk. Walking.